It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

by: Brian Sweeney, coach, Washington Clam Faces

Ahh yes. The fantasy season has concluded and West Wilson Street Weekly has gorged itself in preparation for a long hibernation. Chewing the fat is truly the best part of fantasy football, and appropriately so, considering the circumstances.

Sleepy blog is sleepy

Firstly, let me congratulate our victor and new overlord, Louis Olsen IV. Have fun with the last pick in next year’s draft. It should truly suck. I was happy to see you stick it to Blake and his Choke You Out squad of miscreants. I don’t think I’m alone when I cite weekly frustration at his 30+ point QB output (x2), especially since he represents a disproportionate sect of gingers that have infiltrated WWS. Good job on the underdog victory, Humpers.

I also have to suck a little Olsen schlong when it comes to the blog activity he not only created but inspired. The interviews were captivating and the guest writers were outstanding. I can’t wait to see what he pulls out of his hat next year. That said, two thumbs down to our lamest participants who can only be described as Salingeresque in their reclusiveness. Scrotums to you. Right in the mouth.

Lou dabbles in LSD

Titillating is the speculation for what will emerge as the keepers for each team, rearing their ugly heads in the same league uniforms next year. Will they boom? Bust? It will truly add another dimension to next year’s shit-talking.

Now, I turn to more serious matters – that of who shall receive each trophy. The Dan Cozine “I am so ROFL now OMG” award, the Charles Kinzie “Not Up For Debate” award and my very own namesake, the “Eat, Pray, Love” award for excellence in homosexual message board posting.

Source: Kinzie archives

As the creator of the CK One trophy, I can only present that to one man, the commissioner who took no guff and compromised so little, he makes Stalin look like a Democrat: Charles Kinzie himself. Thanks for hitting us and telling us it was for our own good, Sir Charles. Somebody had to do it. We also appreciate your commissioning. I guess.

As for the other two trophies, well, whoever administers those, choose wisely.

A thorough fellating must also be bestowed on Kurt Wagner of the Firebirds and Nic Tyson of the Chupacabras. Despite throwing the season away about midway through, both kept maintaining their teams whilst getting shat on week in and week out. Kudos.

The success of this league helped maintain my low remaining levels of sanity through a difficult fall and winter. I look forward to many years of maintaining contact with you unscrupulous fellows through this medium.

Cozine family crest

Thanks for the mammaries, and here are the final standings. Prepare your draft research now, because it’s going to be a bloodbath next year. And Dan, for crap’s sake, go back to the Jizz Bolts moniker. Rainbows is gay, but you bring a gayness to this league that can only be communicated by reverting to your former name. Regular season win percentage in parentheses.

1. Seattle Foliage Fondlers (.607)

2. Milwaukee Crappy Yak Oglers (.714)

3. Ketchikan Firm Afros (.393)

4. Chicago Poop Raisins (.500)

5. Washington Clam Crammers (.571)

6. Rochester Gayblows (.571)

7. Madison Squireturds (.286)

8. Madison Hairless Raccoons (.357)

I leave you with the requisite boobies.

Peace out, bitches.

Rumor Mill: Expansion Inevitable

article by Lou Olsen

     An inside source has shared inside information with me which makes it seem like an expansion is inevitable for next season.  It was impossible for the commissioner to predict the kind of success the league would have in it's first year, so due to the playoff format and several other unnamed factors the commissioner is seeking to expand to a much more traditional 10 team format.

Mother and Father of the Champ

     Initial reports indicate that the two owners have already come forward to claim their spot in in the 2011 WWSR league.  My source informed me that one of the new owners could be none other than Louis "The Tractor Trailer" Olsen.   Father of your 2010 Championship coach......me.  With a stadium already bearing his infamous "Tractor Trailer" name, a team would only cement his legacy. 

     I put in a call to the commissioners office, that has yet to go answered.  Rumors have been swirling for weeks about a possible expansion, now it sounds like it is all but a done deal.  Many questions are yet to be answered.  How will the expansion draft work?  What impact will this have on the regular draft?  Will Clark Sweeney be the other owner(my source said no)?  How will this impact the trash heap known as the Madison teams?  Will they capitalize on the expansion and dig themselves out of the basement? 

     Now a separate source also implicated another Olsen family member as the 2nd owner.  This has not yet been confirmed.  Should that be the case however, the state of Wisconsin could have 4 teams between two cities.  Making Wisconsin the epicenter of the fantasy football universe. 

     The season may be over, but news never sleeps.  Ok, that's not totally true.  The odds are, you will see alot fewer posts as we head into the 8 months of no football.  If you would still like to read my writing, or just help a brother out by giving him a page view stat, check out www.reviewingthebrew.com

     In all seriousness, if you guys could just click on the site and look around it would really help me out.  I get less page views on my "professional" blog, than I do for this one.  If you guys enjoyed this blog all season, just click on that link as a sign of your appreciation.  That's all I ask for in return for all of my work for this site over the last four months.  If you only read one article, I recommend John Axford's Mustache facts.  Thanks guys.  It has been a great season and I can not wait until next year. 

P.S- Sweeney is working on his "Season Re-Cap", so keep an eye out for that.  I have no doubt it will be full of awesome-ness. 

The Humpers Win!!!! Humpers Win!!!!!!

Coach Olsen Celebrates a huge win!!!!!

article by: John Travolta


     It is all over gentlemen.  Your 2010 WWS Revival League Champion is none other than Horny Lou Olsen and the Seattle Tree Humpers!!  The CYO's gave them one heck of a fight, but in the end the Humpers offense was too much for Coach Blake to endure.  Final score 146-98.

     We were able to find the winning coach underneath a pile of vomit and English Dry Cider;

This is a great day for not just me, but the city of Seattle, and all the Tree Humpers who inhabit it.  It is the first real championship the city has had since the Seattle Supersonics, but they are not even here any more, so that makes this the biggest championship in city history.  I would like to thank all of my fellow coaches for letting me beat them.  It is clear to me now that you all threw your games so that I could win, as a symbol of your respect for all of my work on the blog.  Thanks guys.  You can all come and get the Ryan Leaf Commemorative Trophy next year.  For the next 12 months, it is coming to live in Seattle.  Oh, and a special thanks to the sponsor of the after party Strongbow hard cider.  You guys are making this experience, so special.   

The city must be proud of it's cider swilling head coach, for bringing home the plastic based action figure.  Look for a full game breakdown and of course the year in review, sometime this week.  Congrats to everyone on a wonderful season, now if you'll excuse me.....I have to get me some cider.  Go Humpers!!!!!

Ryan Leaf Commemorative Trophy Game at the Half

article by: John Travolta

     This years RLCT Game is shaping up to be one for the ages.  After a surprising first half, the CYO hold a 66-62 point lead.  Peyton Hillis, Brandon Pettigrew, and Calvin Johnson must not have realized this is for the championship.  These three top tier players combined for 2 points in the first half. 

     In the second half, look for the Tree Humpers to take advantage of their 5 remaining players.  Aaron Rodgers, Arian Foster, and Greg Jennings should be looking at huge games.  Look for CYO's receiving corp to try and come up with a few huge plays to stay out in front.  Big "Rapist" Ben lead all scorers in the first half, with 25 points but Josh Freeman was right behing him with 21 points. 

     The second half appears to favor the Foliage Fuckers, but no one has watched the league closer than me this year and believe me when I tell you the CYO will not go down without a fight.  Who ever scores the most in the second half will be going home with the Ryan Leaf Commemorative Trophy.  The Pinnacle of our sport.  Check back in after the game for a complete break down of the RLCTG.

Commissioner’s Championship Game Preview – CYO vs. HUMP

by Charles Kinzie, League Commissioner

Last week I handed coach Derr a one-way ticket to the championship in spite of him starting two inactive players. This week I hope he gets what he deserves. Coach Derr and his Waukesha Suffocaters (CYO) are up against one of my bosom buddies coach Olsen and his Seattle Humping Hippie Dendrologists (HUMP).

A native dendrologist caught in the act

Earlier in the week, Wally picked CYO (Live) to take home the Ryan Leaf Action Figure Commemorative Trophy. Sorry, Wally. Not a chance in hell. The Dendros are a shoe in to win this one with coach Olsen fielding a lineup of players ranked no lower than eighth at their respective positions. EIGHTH. The Chokers don’t even come close. Coach Derr made a last-ditch attempt to shore up his running back core. Too little, too late. At least he remembered he was playing this week and subbed in starting active players. My prediction: a lopsided championship. Let’s begin…

Breakdown:

CYO

QBs (Joe Flacco; Ben Roethlisberger) – Two quarterbacks on playoff-bound teams playing mediocre opponents. Ravens need a win and a Steelers loss to secure a first-round bye. Steelers need to win to keep it. High upside? Yes, indeedy.

RBs (Ray Rice; LaDainian Tomlinson) – LT spent the better part of this season on my bench and Shonn Greene is getting the work in close. ‘Nuff said. Great pick up. Not. Oh, and Ray Rice = Icy Hot. I’m not sure what that means. All I know is that every week he “could go off”. In 16 weeks, Ray has “gone off” twice. Does he get some rest with a guaranteed spot in the playoffs? Just sayin’.

Oh Reggie, Don't do this too me Reggie..

WRs (Reggie Wayne; Michael Crabtree; Mario Manningham) – Reggie Wayne has yet to cure his season long case of the dropsies, not to mention, he will also be going toe-to-toe with Cortland Temujin Finnegan. Crabtree is a solid bet when Troy Smith is throwing the ball. Last week, Troy Smith cost Mike Singletary his job. You do the math. Manningham has a good matchup. Now only if Eli would start throwing the ball to his own teammates.

TE (Brandon Pettigrew) – Pick a tight-end, any tight-end. I’d pick Owen Daniels.

D/ST (Ravens) – Last week I tried to get cute and put up the Chargers D/ST against the ailing Bengals offense. Can you say backfire? The Ravens D has something to prove here after losing the past three to the Bengals.

K (Billy Cundiff) – Pick a kicker, any kicker.

HUMP

QBs (Aaron Rodgers; Josh Freeman) – My prediction: Pack goes up big early, the Bears say “To hell with it”, and it rains Limburger and Swiss; Rodgers goes nuts like he knows how. Freeman is playing in a must win to keep any playoff hope alive. It won’t be a repeat of last week, but it could be pretty damn close for these two.

Not this kind of esplode

RBs (Arian Foster; Michael Turner) – Foster is a beast. B-E-A-S-T. The Falcons are pissed. Michael Turner will esplode. That’s right, esplode.

WRs (Greg Jennings; Calvin Johnson; Mike Wallace) – Jennings will have a field day when the Bears starting secondary sits after halftime. No one is faster than Mike Wallace. No one. The only uncertainty here is CJ. Maclin could do you a solid in his place against the worst team vs. WRs, especially, if DeSean sits. Hint, hint.

Sassy

TEs (Vernon Davis) – Mr. Consistent? Not so much anymore, but if he goes off, look out.

D/ST (Steelers) – With or without Troy Polamalu? Does it matter? They own Cleveland.

K (Adam Vinatieri) – Must I repeat myself?

My pick – HUMP…by a lot. In the end, the combination of Aaron Rodgers and Josh Freeman with Arian Foster and Michael Turner will prove too much for CYO to overcome without the healthy trio of Michael Vick, Peyton Hillis, and Andre Johnson starting. After the game, the Dendroholics will celebrate by meeting up with fellow arborists and then proceed to bang General Sherman.