It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

by: Brian Sweeney, coach, Washington Clam Faces

Ahh yes. The fantasy season has concluded and West Wilson Street Weekly has gorged itself in preparation for a long hibernation. Chewing the fat is truly the best part of fantasy football, and appropriately so, considering the circumstances.

Sleepy blog is sleepy

Firstly, let me congratulate our victor and new overlord, Louis Olsen IV. Have fun with the last pick in next year’s draft. It should truly suck. I was happy to see you stick it to Blake and his Choke You Out squad of miscreants. I don’t think I’m alone when I cite weekly frustration at his 30+ point QB output (x2), especially since he represents a disproportionate sect of gingers that have infiltrated WWS. Good job on the underdog victory, Humpers.

I also have to suck a little Olsen schlong when it comes to the blog activity he not only created but inspired. The interviews were captivating and the guest writers were outstanding. I can’t wait to see what he pulls out of his hat next year. That said, two thumbs down to our lamest participants who can only be described as Salingeresque in their reclusiveness. Scrotums to you. Right in the mouth.

Lou dabbles in LSD

Titillating is the speculation for what will emerge as the keepers for each team, rearing their ugly heads in the same league uniforms next year. Will they boom? Bust? It will truly add another dimension to next year’s shit-talking.

Now, I turn to more serious matters – that of who shall receive each trophy. The Dan Cozine “I am so ROFL now OMG” award, the Charles Kinzie “Not Up For Debate” award and my very own namesake, the “Eat, Pray, Love” award for excellence in homosexual message board posting.

Source: Kinzie archives

As the creator of the CK One trophy, I can only present that to one man, the commissioner who took no guff and compromised so little, he makes Stalin look like a Democrat: Charles Kinzie himself. Thanks for hitting us and telling us it was for our own good, Sir Charles. Somebody had to do it. We also appreciate your commissioning. I guess.

As for the other two trophies, well, whoever administers those, choose wisely.

A thorough fellating must also be bestowed on Kurt Wagner of the Firebirds and Nic Tyson of the Chupacabras. Despite throwing the season away about midway through, both kept maintaining their teams whilst getting shat on week in and week out. Kudos.

The success of this league helped maintain my low remaining levels of sanity through a difficult fall and winter. I look forward to many years of maintaining contact with you unscrupulous fellows through this medium.

Cozine family crest

Thanks for the mammaries, and here are the final standings. Prepare your draft research now, because it’s going to be a bloodbath next year. And Dan, for crap’s sake, go back to the Jizz Bolts moniker. Rainbows is gay, but you bring a gayness to this league that can only be communicated by reverting to your former name. Regular season win percentage in parentheses.

1. Seattle Foliage Fondlers (.607)

2. Milwaukee Crappy Yak Oglers (.714)

3. Ketchikan Firm Afros (.393)

4. Chicago Poop Raisins (.500)

5. Washington Clam Crammers (.571)

6. Rochester Gayblows (.571)

7. Madison Squireturds (.286)

8. Madison Hairless Raccoons (.357)

I leave you with the requisite boobies.

Peace out, bitches.