Week 3 Chit-Chat

article by:  John Travolta

     This weekend was so exciting, I had to have my teets milked.  True story, busted out the old titty milker and went to town on my man boobs.  Let me tell you, it was well worth it.  Now there remains only one undefeated team, that being those pesky Butt-Pirates from Philadelphia.  The Kenosha Bootleggers suffered their first defeat at the big strong hands of Coach Craig and his army of Black ASS-asins.  This weekend also turned this league into a league full of losers, only 4 teams have winning records through the first 3 weeks. 
  
     My personal favorite part of this weekend, was picking my Boner of the Week...for every single game.  This week was chucked full of boners.  From defenses getting blown away, to a certain WR scoring 50+ points...on the bench.  The only boner not to be included in this discussion, is the one that is now perpetually thrust into coach Dan Cozine's mouth.  Not only by his fans, but by the media, and his Malaysian sex slave/Head Coach.  Realistic scores usually mean that someone on each roster, was sporting wood.  That being the case, rather than the usual awards, I will be awarding a boner of the week award to each of the 5 games played.  Wear those boners with pride going into week 4 gentlemen.  

     On a side/business note.  Not a one of you volunteered to be the first interview for this season.  May L.Ron have mercy on your thetan.  That being said, this seasons newest interview expert..........Tim Couch, issued this statement. 

You all thought Leaf was a dick, well guess what you limp dicked fox fuckers?  He was, I am a much nicer guy and twice as intelligent.  Sorry about the fox fucker stuff, but I needed y'all to know that I mean business.  Look forward to talking with each and every one of you over the course of the season. 

Obviously Tim Couch is no Ryan Leaf, but we should accept him.  Again, if you want to get in line for an interview lou.c.olsen@gmail.com  is the address to send your interest too.  So fucking do it already. 


Week 3 Re-Cap

Nut Swings    vs    Ali's Fist
     109.9                   119

I am starting with this game because the outcome may not matter.  Based on an anonymous tip from Charles Kinzie...whoops.  The word on the street is that the Claymakers may not have sent payment to the Commissioners office in time, and therefore would forfeit their first W of the season.  Look, I posted it on the blog and Chuck plastered it all over the league home page.  If this goes down as an L for the Claymakers, then they have no one to blame but head coach Blake Derr.  To lose to a Madison team by forfeit is a new low.  Now, remember that this is all speculation and has not been confirmed by the Commish's office.  However, it is highly reported amongst the WWSR press outlets...me.  I was able to catch up with captain Banana Hammock himself, Coach Davy, after the game.  Boner of the Week:  Blake Derr

I mean, I probably should have known that Beanie Wells wasn't gonna play.  That was my bad, but to be honest I hope Blake didn't pay his dues.  My mother had a saying, 'never look a gay horse in the mouth'.  So, if things shake out to a win for my team, I will run until my legs spontaneously combust.  I will make Forrest Gump look like he was running in the Special Olympics, I will run so fucking far!!  I love acid!!!!!!   

Butt Chocolates    vs    Butt Chocolate Swashbucklers
       102.7                                  125.5

This game could have gone so  many different ways.  If legendary father, Lou Olsen, would have played Wes Welker he would have banished the Butt-Pirates to their favorite place...somewhere deep, dark, and kind of stinky.  But, Olsen decided to go with legendary under-producer Deion Branch.  Meanwhile, the Fannito-Bandito's continue to ride the wave of power that is Tom Brady and Matt Stafford.  Thanks to Wes Welker not playing, Chuck-it-to-me has placed himself in the undefeated circle alone.  Only three weeks in and the Butt-Pirates appear to be destined for playoff glory-hole.  Brady is currently on pace to score well over 500 fantasy points this season and is on his way to being the best fantasy pick of this years draft.  After the game I spoke with Coach Kinzie about something not related to butt-piracy: Boner of the Week: Deion Branch

Listen Travolta, I have had enough of your shit.  I already heard that you leaked the PRIVATE information I gave you about coach Derr.  That was supposed to be on the down low!!  You pinky swore man...does a pinky swear mean nothing to you.  You know what, I think at the end of this season I am going to fire your ass.  You are the worst reporter this staff has ever had.  That's right, you are worse than Leaf and Olsen put together and you will NEVER be as good as Wally.  Now get out of my face before I write a script for Grease 3 and force you to perform it as a one man show.  Lord knows you need the money.

Nut-Sack Slashers    vs    Big Flaming Homo Team
          143.6                                     100.8

Nic Tyson and I have had our differences in the past, but I was very excited to see him get his first victory of the season.  My cock was even harder when I saw that he was playing against the Phantom of Fantasy Football, Dan Cozine.  Who once again chose to send a small Malaysian dressed in leather and chains to coach his team, and once again...it showed.  Darren McFadden accounted for 1/3 of Cozine's entire point total.  On the other side of the field, every member of Tyson's team got involved in the scoring en route to his first victory of the new season.  The dynamic duo of Greg Jennings and Calvin Johnson, continues to prove that they can win games for you all by themselves.  After the game, I had a brief interview with Coach Tyson:

Me:  Hey Tyson?  Did you know that Coach Cozine had his dues paid by his wife?

Tyson:  That can't be true.
Me:  No, seriously.  The Commish told me that when he got the check it was signed by Mrs. Cozine.
Tyson:  That is awfully gay, but why are you telling me this?
Me:  I want us to be friends.
Tyson:  No deal.  I've been hurt by you too many times before  (sprints to the locker room)

Oh and this:  Boner of the Week:  Cozine's Malaysian Sex Slave...literally


Booze Hounds    vs    Lights, Camera, Blacktion
        163.5                                   173.1

This game would have been game of the week, butt he score was not quite close enough.  What this game did have, the two highest point outputs of the week.  The win for Blaxploitation pushes their record to 2-1, while the loss for the Gin and Tonics dropped them to 2-1.  Place your bets now, one of these two teams will be winning the West this season.  Do yourself a favor go look at the box score of this game.  It is absolutely stunning.  Nothing quite like watching two large, strong, sexy men teams going at it.  It was hard to do , but... Boner of the Week:  Patriots D/ST 

After the game I approached both coaches, but the Black team prison raped me and the alcoholic team poured booze into a funnel which was connected to my....ass...don't touch my...


Game of the Week

Fern Fuckers    vs    Fuzzy Clams
      147.6                        150.3

This contest really came down to one player, Tim Hightower.  Now, there are two things we know about Coach Olsen Jr., he does not like losing and he takes his tea in the east wing.  So, when Hightower failed to score the remaining 2.7 points the team needed, he was immediately traded.  Coach Sweeney had to feel good, knowing that Hightower was nothing more than a busted ass, used 1989 Ford Taurus.  With the victory, the Clams keep pace with the Butt-Pirates in the East.  Whilst the reigning champs join the other 5 members of the 1-2 club.  Boner of the Week:  Jets D/ST   After the game we were fortunate enough to talk with both coaches.  I asked them each the same question:  How now, brown cow?

Sweeney: I will take your nonsense as a compliment.  We played well today.  It is always a nice feather in your giant cap to take down the champs, but we have a lot of work to do...foreplay mostly.  Time to get ready for some cocoa turds.

Olsen:  There is something very wrong with you.  I traded Hightower about 5 seconds after the game.  Don't need guys who can't finish.  You can't keep stroking a guy over and over again and get no results.  He's Dad's problem now.  Good luck getting any magic juice out of that guy. 


Well, we had another exciting week.  As is tradition, below you will find a picture of WWSW's newest reporters wife.  Tim Couch may have been a horrible football players, but women really only care about the money.  Enjoy the titties you queers. 

Week 2 in Review

article by John Travolta

     Boy, this week was pretty much the exact opposite of last week.  Last week we had some close games, one 7 point game and even a 1.3 point game (Week1 Game of the Week).  But this week was blow-out after pathetic blow-out.  We had one team lose by just shy of 100 POINTS!!!!  Are you shitting me?  100 points seperated winner from loser.  This week was awful, so because of that there is no game of the week this week.  Maybe if you guys would play better we would not have this problem.  So don't come crying to me, you did this...not me. You guys were worse than "From Paris with Love".   

     Before we dive into the games, some quick business to attend to.  For the love of  L.Ron pay your damn dues.  No one wants to have a game taken away from them because they are too lazy to pay $25 and put a stamp on an envelope.  Please, pay your dues, otherwise Chuck won't stop bitching about it.  Also, if you have any interest in doing the first interview with this years special guest, send Lou Olsen an e-mail at lou.c.olsen@gmail.com.  First come, first serve.  The first person always has the best interview.  After that it will be on a volunteer basis, accept for Tyson who has agreed to consider doing an interview this year.  Way to be the bigger man Nic.  Two trades going down this week, Butt-Pirates and Booze-hounds struck a deal swapping QB's and WR's and earlier this afternoon the Humpers and Scrot Smashers completed a QB and RB swap. 

Week 2 Wrap-Up

Bootleggers    vs    Scrotum Smashers
      211.6                         112.5

Why start with this one?  Because it was the worst game of the week.  Here is something very telling,  our alcoholic friends worst output from a non K or D/ST position was 15 points.  Meanwhile, the Ballbag Beaters best player non K or D/ST, put up 19 points.  The expansion Bootleggers are off to a stunning 2-0 start , while the Madison boys are getting those shit stains all over the bed early.  It's hard to watch a team get throttled like that, especially when you know that the team getting throttled is trying really hard to not get throttled.  Then with so much throttling, it turns sexy and a little awkward.  This game was 0% sexy and 100% awkward.  Whose scrotum was really smashed here?  P.S- I am not sure, but I feel like 211 is the league record for points.  I will have to do some research, either way Bravo on an amazing performance this weekend Coach Leting.  Neither coach had any interest in talking to me, so here is a quote from Damon Wayans:

From now on, my little group of shaved scrotum sacks, you will walk like me, talk like me, and until you win some games, you will be bald like me.

Butt-Pirates    vs    Clam Faces
     160.9                      111.5

This probably could have been the game of the week, but these two spend more time talking then they do actually playing.  The Butt-Pirates were not intimidated by the countless beards in the crowd at Tractor Trailer Stadium.  Of course it was free beard night, but Kinzie never even flinched at the sea of homeless fans.  Tom Brady and Matthew Stafford combined to be the Co-Players of the Week, falling just shy of 70 points between them.  Coach Sweens has to figure out a way to get his WR's into the game and out of the strip clubs.  One of the most ferocious rivalries in this league, turned out to be nothing more than a post-intercourse poop for coach Kinzie and company.  The Wham Bam thank you Clams will have a tough test next week when the reigning champs come to D.C.  After the game we spoke to coach Kinzie about the victory:

When I built this team with my own two hands, I knew that my sole purpose was to destroy Sweeney and everything that he stood for.  Today was a good indicator that I may have succeeded in that goal.  To all of you furry clam lovers, how did it feel to be the 2nd gayest group of people on the football field.  I COACH WITH A GLITTER PEN!!! Stop booing me, this is John Travolta damn it!! Security!  So much hatred here, I can't take it.  Someone get me an Apple-tini...stat!!!

Hershey Squirts    vs    Banana Hammocks

       127.9                               190.7

Earlier in the week this was my lock of the week.  I did not think that the Dong Danglers had a chance against the Choco-Sharts.  But, thanks to the MVP of the Week, Miles Austin (41.1 pts), the Hammocks were able to pull away with this one.  The Squirts seem to have some things going, but Chris Johnson is still not carrying the load that he is used too...you heard me.  Meanwhile, the Hammocks have to be concerned about the health of Tony Romo, who loves playing for coach Davy so much that he had broken ribs, a punctured lung, severe pneumonia, a dislocated spine, 7 broken fingers, and we have initial reports that he may have contracted AND cured AIDS this week.  No telling if he will be able to play next week.  We talked with Coach Davy about his first victory since beating Tyson a bunch of times last season:

It feels really good to beat a team that does not have the word 'Madison' in front of it.  Tony Romo was my hero today.  I was also glad to see that Adrian Peterson had not contracted football syphilis from Donavan McNabb.  I can tell you one thing, the Squirts are much better than they were last season  (puts hand over microphone).  Never mind, I retract my previous statement and replace it with, the Squirts are not bad.

You heard it here first "The Squirts...are not bad"

 
Blacktion    vs    Tree Humpers
   148.6                     92.4

This game was a head scratcher.  The Champs got blown out of their own stadium by a bunch of black guys wearing all black jerseys and helmets.  It was like watching the night take over the day.  Let's waste no time in crowning, Boner of the Week - Matt Cassell who threw for a nut crunching -2.7 points.  Really the Humpers overall deserve this award.  The team looked like they had better places to be, like plating and sexing trees.  Let's not take anything away from the Dark Knights, aside from Felix Jones they look like a team ready to take the next step (whatever that means in fantasy football).  In order to celebrate their victory, the robbed three Seattle banks and put 7 strippers through college.  one thing is for sure, no team celebrates a victory like those Blackies.  Here are some victory words from Coach Craig:

Dominance...boner inducing...classy...awe-inspiring...breathtaking...shocking...terrifyingly wonderful...prostate exam...prostitutes...Charlie Sheen

Man-Handlers    vs    Claymakers
     199                             153.3

Well, at least it was nice to see that coach Cozine took my advice, did the right thing and named his team after the real head of that team.  The newly named man-handlers had no problem handling or making clay this weekend.  Although this was the "closest" game of the weekend.  It still did not merit being the game of the week.  However, this game did have the MVP of the Week, Jeremy Maclin who racked up an astonishing 42.2 points.  Which almost makes up the entire deficit for this game, but not quite.  Even if it were not for Mr. Maclin, this game was destined to send last year's silver medalist reaching for answers.  If a team like the Claymakers can be beaten by a team that is run by a half-man, half-ape Malaysian sex slave, then who won't be able to withstand the Claymakers?  Since i could not find Cozine or Blake after the game I went for the Malaysian Man-handler:

Misser....Dan.......hea......rike.......to.......maka......me.......foosbarr........coke.  Soma time....he...leta.....me.....massage....a....hiis......taint.......I.....do....no.....mind....da.....taint.  He ....keep....it.....nice......an....crean.  Him...say....it...make....me....betta......foosbarr.....coke...tha ...taint.....I ...mean

Well, that's it for your old pal John Travolta.  I guess I will go home and have some sex.  Although, I was invited to a Malaysian Man-Handler after party....NO!!!  That time in my life is over-ish.  Anyway, here is something hot from the realm of football.  This is the hottest picture I could find in the Lingerie Football League.  Until next time, stay classy you slut socks. 

   

Fuck My Life, by Nate Kaeding

article by: Nate Kaeding

Kaeding sad

Kickers are not always the most revered or respected players on the team.  Fine.  I get that.  We wear special shoes, only play a handful of downs and can't tackle for shit.  We aren't the strongest or fastest players on the team.  You never see kids wearing a Gramatica or Longwell jersey.  It's a tough role to fill, but someone's gotta do it.  Am I right?

Then one bright Sunday morning, I thought all of that was going to change.  I was just sitting there, minding my own business, watching all the cool players get drafted, and BLAMMO!  I hear my number called.  I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming.  But it was no dream - I was being drafted by the Rochester Rainbows as the starting kicker!

Oh God, I was on cloud nine.  I felt wanted.  I felt useful.  For the first time in my life, I didn't hate what I had done or where my life had ended up.  My head was all a-tizzy with grandiose dreams of championships and Ryan Leaf commemorative trophies.  As I walked up to that podium to shake Coach Cozine's hand and accept my jersey, I was solid gold, baby.  Nothing was gonna stop this freight train!

Fast forward a week to the opening game of the season.  We were playing the new kid on the block, Coach Leiting, and his formidable Bootleggers.  Electricity was in the air, excitement was coursing through my body, and that moment approached: opening kickoff!  Here I was, a member of this team, wanted by the players and the coaching staff (Coach Cozine has hired some Malaysian guy to help out; they're pretty close), and I was the one who got to touch the football first.  I had a fever, and the only prescription was more pigskin!

Riding the dump truck

I approached the ball, made contact, and...  WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?  I tore my fucking ACL?  Are you kidding me?  That shit is for the running backs and wide receivers.  The guys who are actually running and jumping and getting tackled.  I run maybe 100 yards total during a game, and yet in my first 10 I'm already God-damned Gimp McGee.  What a fucking failure.  I mean, failure of epic fucking proportions.  Coach put all his eggs in one fucking basket - didn't draft another kicker, put all his faith in me to carry the team - and BOOM, just like that I've let down the only person who has ever cared about me.  Ever.

To make things worse, the Rainbows went out and got David Akers as my replacement.  Are you serious?  I hate that phag.  What a Class A douchebag.  Holy shit, Akers is such a dick.  And, to put the fucking icing on the cake, the team up and changes its name on me.  It's like the name "Rainbows" was somehow tainted by my having been a part of it.

So anyway, here I am, jobless, penniless, friendless... worthless.  I sit around my house in sweatpants eating bricks of cheese and sticks of butter.  I don't even have the energy to get up and go the bathroom.  I'm wasting away in a puddle of urine and feces, contemplating the sweet escape that the Smith & Wesson under my pillow could bring me.  Fuck my life, bro.  Fuck it in the ass.  Hard.

Fuck. My. Life.

Week 1 Round-Up

article by: John Travolta

    
     Oh my God!!  I like, can't believe we're back already.  I am such a pig for fantasy football season and I can't help but shovel it into my face all day on Sunday.  I feel like it was just yesterday that I was poking fun at Tyson for sucking big green donkey dick.  Good news Tyson, this season there is another individual who shall remain named, Dan Cozine.  First let me do my own little re-cap of the off-season.

     Ol' Commish Kinzie wasted no time in announcing an expansion of the league.  Blake's corpse wasn't even cold from his Championship loss when Chuck announced that two new teams would be joining the league.  One of the coaches was a familiar face and Kenosha legend, Big Lou "The Tractor Trailer" Olsen.  The second head coach was another member of the Olsen family tree, Nick Leiting, brother-in-law to current chump champ Lou Olsen of the Seattle Tree Humpers.  Not only would the expansion provide more competition, it would help to avoid 3 game series' in the losers bracket (i.e. last years shit show in Madison).  Now the problem was, 50% of the league was located in the state of Wisconsin.  The two turds of Madison, the newly named Claymakers in Waukesha, and two teams in Kenosha...were it all started.  Clearly Kinzie was pleased with himself, so he made another questionable decision.
    
     After months of debate, Kinzie struck the "Keeper" system and decided to draft from scratch.  This was met with some moderate uproars, but mostly it was met with flying feces.  Winning teams from a year ago hated the idea, and the city of Madison rejoiced.  After the crap settled and was cleaned by my Puerto Rican cleaning lady, the draft was upon us.  Aaron Rodgers was the first pick overall, which signaled to everyone watching that day, this was going to be a very different draft.  Fantasy superstars like Arian Foster and Chris Johnson fell out of the top 5.  But then the true surprise was sprung.

     Coach Dan Cozine, of the Rochester Rainbows, decided that spending time on the beach was more important than drafting a team.  Instead he allowed a brain dead Malaysian illegal immigrant to pick his team.  As the draft went on, no one heard so much as a word from Cozine.  That was until the 12th round.  All of a sudden Dan drops in from the roof and lands at the podium to announce that he is picking Chargers kicker Nate Kaeding.  Then, as quickly as he came, he rolled off of us and went back to sleep.  Now what really ties this all together is that on the opening play of the Chargers season, Kaeding blew out a knee, thus ending his season.  So guess what, this season, Cozine is my bitch.  Congratulations Tyson, you can actually enjoy the blog this year. 

     Ok, enough of that let's talk football.  This year since we will have 5 games each week, we will re-cap 4 games and have a game of the week.  The game of the week will be a little more in depth, but just as awesome. 

Week 1 Re-Cap

Butt-Pirates    vs    Affirmative Blacktion
     175.8                          130.4

This game was never going to be close.  You would think that a bunch of Fanny-Bandits would be afraid to wander into a mostly black stadium to do battle, but not this week.  This game had my WildCard of the Week: RB Mike Tolbert  (36.3 pts) my Boner of the Week:  Steelers D/ST (-3) and Player of the Week: QB Tom Brady (43 pts).  The Blackies really needed Matt Ryan to play less like Ryan Leaf and more like...well pretty much anyone else.  The Ass-Buccos had three players score over 25 points this week and that made all of the difference.  The Big Black's never had a chance, here is what their coach had to say after the game:

It's week 1.  We need to find our identity, or at the very least steal someone else's.   

Tree Humpers    vs    Scrotum Smashers
      135.8                          128.3

Old habits die hard I guess.  Tyson re-named his team to something a little more terrifying, but the end result was the same.  The reigning champs were outplayed in the first half, but a strong output by the Jets D/ST helped give Olsen a cushion going into Monday Night's game.  Knowshon Moreno had opportunities to deliver a  victory for the Scrots, but he plays for the Broncos so they were losing the whole game which meant running was not an option.  While it is very clear that Tyson has a much stronger team than last season, he lacks the big game experience that the Humpers have after winning the Title last year.  This game was much closer than many of us anticipated, but in the end, pelvic thrusting beats skin smashing.  One final note on this game, Greg Jennings and Calvin Johnson are now playing for the Smashers.  Since both were members of last years Championship team, we asked coach Olsen what it was like to coach against them.

Damn it Travolta, what do you think it's like?  Ok, how about this.  Imagine if at the end of Grease, Danny gets Sandy pregnant and runs of with Rizzo.  Or how about this, at the end of Face-Off, Nic Cage took a shotgun and pointed it into his face and pulled the trigger, leaving you to look at his face the rest of your life.  So, it felt great.  Get a real job you closet camper.

Rainbows    vs    Bootleggers
   139.2                  165.9

What is up with the Pirate themes?  Anyway, this game is a lot closer than it should have been.  5 of the 10 players on Cozine's roster only scored in the single digits.  On the other end of the spectrum, new coach Nick Leiting had 5 of the 10 players on his roster score over 20 points this week.  Clearly Cozine should have shown up for the draft insted of letting that retarded Malaysian pick his squad.  His team should be re-named, and I have a great idea for one - The Malaysian Man-Handlers.  It keeps the gay theme alive, but also let's us know who is actually running the show over there in Rochester.  Let's not overlook the Rum-Runners, they are the real deal despite the scary QB situation they find themselves in.  We talked to Coach Cozine's right hand man after the game.

I...picka...dee...foobar...team...goo...Coach Da...say...he...le me...clee...heem...ina...dee...shower...later...I lather...hees...monkey

Clam Faces    vs    Banana Hammocks
     165.6                           118

The Madison teams wanted things to be different this year, but after week one things appear to be the same.  For coach Davy, a new name and new mascot equal the same old football team.  Meanwhile the Clam Cakes appear to have a real powerhouse  roster.  Most everyone on the Clam roster contributed, aside from Mr. Blount who was a finalist for Boner of the Week.  The Nut Clingers just could not find a rhythm.  When Adrian Peterson and Steven Jackson are combined to be outscored by Beanie Wells, you have got big problems.  Coach Sweens felt like rubbing it in after the game.

Wow Davy, your team is about as bad as I remember.  Although I really enjoyed the banners hanging all over your stadium with me in the Borat swimsuit.  That was a nice touch.  Anything to distract the fans from how pathetic your team is huh?  It was nice to see your kicker kick...nothing.  Good luck this season sir, but to be honest, a leprechaun wearing lucky horseshoes and a rabbits foot shoved up his ass won't make your team any better.

GAME OF THE WEEK

Claymakers    vs    Hershey Squirts
     140.5                       141.8

This was the game of the week without a doubt.  So many juicy story lines, from the Squirts losing Peyton Manning, to the Claymakers investing everything in Aaron Rodgers.  This was a match-up between a veteran team that knows how to win and an old guy who has no idea how to play fantasy football (Sorry Blake, true story).  The Claymakers had this game in the back going into Monday nights games.  It would take a miracle for the Squirts to comeback.  That miracle came in the form of Wes Welker.  In the 4th quarter of last nights game, Welker caught a 99 yard TD pass to lock in a 36 point night.  That performance pushed the Chocolate Shits out to about a 15 point lead with just Brandon Lloyd left to play for the Claymakers. 
    
Lloyd fell just short.  When you look at the individual numbers of this game it was no contest.  Every member of the Claymakers scored in double digits accept for their defense.  Meanwhile the squirts had 4 player snot even break double-digits.  It is almost a miracle that the game was this close, let a lone a W for Big Lou Olsen.  The biggest factor in this game, if you ask me, was the defense.  The Hershey Highway's D/ST scored 19 points to Clay-Clay's 6.  But this game was dominated by coach Derr and Co., yet they could not contain that tiny little white guy from the Patriots.  MVP of the Week:  WR Wes Welker 


     Well, we are off and running.  Hope everyone had a great first week (at least...everyone outside of Madison).  I look forward to seeing what you can do this upcoming weekend.  As is tradition, I leave you with a smoking hot chick to drool over.  This chick was going to marry Bootlegger starting QB Jay Cutler, fortunately she came to her senses and realized the dude is perma-drunk.  Enjoy...

2011 Season Preview

     Welcome back Hebrews and Shebrews, for another exciting season of WWS Revival fantasy football.  This season promises to be the most exciting, yet most classless season ever.  I liken this season to the MTV movie awards, exciting but lacking any actual integrity as an awards show.  Who will take home the coveted Ryan Leaf Commemorative Trophy this year?  It's anyone's guess. 

     Let's start the new season by welcoming the two newest teams and their coaches.  The man, the myth, the legend, my dad will be coaching the Kenosha Hershey Squirts.  As many of you know, the D.C Clam Faces play in Tractor Trailer Stadium, which is of course and homage to Big Lou Olsen.  WWSW was able to catch up with Coach Big L after a recent draft meeting:

I am looking forward to squashing all of you youngsters into the ground.  Especially that Sweeney kid.  I never gave him permission to name a stadium after me.  Tell you what, my teams stadium is going to be called "Brian Sweeney's Tiny Penis Field".  How do you like that?  Doesn't feel so good does it?  Maybe we can get a statue and place those giant telescopes right in front of your likeness' crotch.  Can't wait to play that nerd in my stadium.

     Harsh words from an old man.

     The other newest coach is Nick Leiting, my brother-in-law, his team is something stupid and racist.  Nick is a guy who studies the game of football, he studies it like a man who studies things.  Sometimes I think that he may be having an affair with an NCAA regulation sized football.  But, then I grab a beer and forget all about it.  Nick has been pissing and moaning about Wally picking the draft order all week:

What kind of an asshole let's a dog pick something as important as the draft order?  Commissioner Kinzie has once again shown why he is the # 1 asshole in the state of Pennsylvania.  I've never met Wally, but I am pretty sure he was paid off to pick the way he did.  If I ever see that dog in a dark alley, I am going to pet the shit out of him...literally.  I will pet that dog until he drops a deuce right there on Lou's shoe.  Knowing Lou, it would probably be red high-heels with some sort of gold buckle on it.  Homo. 

      
     I think I speak for everyone when I say, I hope you both have the worst fantasy football seasons ever.  But then again, there are still two teams from Madison who will fight you tooth and nail to preserve their horrific stench from last season.

     We have a few changes to report.  First, the pathetic Madison Firebirds, under the leadership of football dunce Davy Wagner, have changed their team name to...The Banana Hammocks.  The Chicago Dingleberries have been relocated, due to poor ticket sales, to Philadelphia were people are generally dick bags.  Last but not least, last years Silver Medalist Blake Derr, has decided to lose the CYO and go with something we can all embrace...the Waukesha Claymakers.  Mark all of these changes down, lest you feel like a jack-ass at the draft when you are the only one who says, "Who are the Banana Hammocks?"  You should have read the blog dip shit. 

     For those of you to lazy to watch a video, here is the draft order for Sunday:

1) Claymakers  2) Banana Hammocks  3) Chupacabras  4) Rainbows  5) Dingleberries  6) Tree Humpers  7) Hershey Squirts  8) Affirmative Blacktion  9) StreetGangsterz  10) Sweeney


     I am thrilled to be back as the lead editor of this blog.  John Travolta is back and fired up for this season.  Unfortunately Ryan Leaf will not be back this season, but his memory will live on each season when a new winner is crowned.  You may be wondering, who will do the interviews on the blog this season?  Well, all I can tell you right now is that the odds are poor that Tyson will agree to do an interview.  If he wouldn't do one with Ryan Leaf, he probably won't want to do one with..... (this is what we call a cliffhanger)

     Best of luck this season, you dirty dirty sluts...that goes double for you Cozine.