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All characters and events on this blog --even those based on real people-- are entirely fictional. All celebrity commentary is written poorly, by me. The following Blog contains foul language and due to its content it should not be viewed by anyone.



Monday, August 25, 2014

From the Desk of Commissioner Kinzie

The circumstances surrounding Daniel Winston Cozine's absence from the 2014 451 West Wilson Street Revival league redraft have come under the investigation of the 451WWSR League Commissioner's Office and League Conduct Office.

The longtime manager and Fantasy Football aficionado, Mr. Cozine, was unable to attend this year's league redraft, held last night, August 24, at 7 PM. He claimed to have been attending a dinner party with his wife, who shall remain nameless, after she scheduled the event without notifying Mr. Cozine or the league in accordance with league policy. This, in and of itself, raised the ire of many of the league managers and league Commissioner. At the conclusion of the draft, a full scale investigation was launched by the Commissioner's office concerning Mr. Cozine's absence as well as several questionable draft picks made by his assistant in his stead. 

Photo of Coach Cozine 
It has been brought to the attention of our lead investigator that Mr. Cozine did not attend a dinner party, nor any dinner party. Much of the evidence presented connects his whereabouts to a warehouse in Rochester, MN between the hours of 5 and 8 PM CST yesterday evening. Additional evidence suggests that Mr. Cozine was accompanied by three individuals as he was seen exiting the premises shortly after 8 PM by local business employees. The identities of the three individuals have yet to determined. At this time the league office will continue the investigation in concert with local authorities. Further information will be released as it is gathered and verified.

Charles Kinzie
451WWSR League Commissioner's Office

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