Spooge Cups Office Releases Statement

Rochester, MN -- Coach Cozine's public affairs manager released this statement in response to recent allegations surrounding the whereabouts of the coach during Sunday's league draft activities. 

"Coach Cozine fully refutes any and all accusations of nefarious activity this past Sunday night.  Photographic proof was sent to the Commissioner of the league, in accordance with league bylaws, demonstrating his attendance at said dinner party.  A picture of a bottle of Faygo brand root beer soda, which was to be used for root beer float desserts, was sent via multimedia text message to the Commissioner's office within one half hour of the official start of the draft.  The coach regrets some of the decisions made on his behalf by his cyborg assistant, Otto D. Rafte.  The cyborg has been fully dismantled and will be sold for scrap metal to the first bidder."  Coach Cozine has not yet been able to be reached for personal comment.  In a related turn of events, Coach Cozine was also reported absent from Monday evening's draft for the Couples' Therapy League, which he co-manages with his wife, Coach Dr. Cozine.  Early reports suggest the cavalier couple shirked their duties in favor of meeting their daughter's preschool teacher and having a family dinner.  Conflicting rumors are also circulating, however, that they flat out forgot the draft was today.  League analysts for both Fantasy Football leagues have clearly taken note of Coach Cozine's apathetic approach, and have adjusted their pre-season power rankings accordingly.  Both the "Rochester Spooge Cups" and the far more family-friendly and appropriately named "Team Cozines" have been dropped to last place in their respective league rankings.  Clearly, the fans in Rochester can not be happy with the lackadaisical attitude paraded about by their teams' leader.  It remains to be seen if this team can scrape together a season better than last year, but expectations are, not surprisingly, at rock bottom.

WWSR Weekly reached out to the Commissioners office for comment on the Faygo soda in question, and while no formal statement was made we were assured that the investigation was "on-going" at this time.  We will have more updates as this story develops.