By far the biggest story of the draft was the lack of Madison, WI influences. After one successful season, it seems as if both coaches have forgotten about the dark days. Many of you will remember the 2010 Fantasy season, when Madison was the rectal thermometer of the league. Teams went in there...and came out much stinkier than before. The city had basically abandoned both stadiums. It got so bad that both teams had to come up with extreme giveaways to get fans back in the seats. Things like, "Free Enema Night", "Unlimited Taco Sunday", and my personal favorite "The Complete 3rd Season of Friends Night". None of this worked. Then last season the two teams showed growth and sure enough the fans came back. Clearly nothing was learned from this experience, since neither coach showed up to choose their team.
Now, after doing some research I discovered that reigning Championship coach Nic Tyson was involved in a lawsuit. While I was unable to find out what the trial was for, I was able to find out that he was testifying under the pseudonym "Jon Doe #4". If that means anything to anyone, please let me know. And according to Sally Jones, Davy's nosey bitch of an ex-wife, he has been dead since February. Well, it showed in his drafting.
So, since this is my first time doing this, I am going to stay away from broad generalizations. Instead, I will be focusing on each teams individual shortcomings. Sure some of you made some great moves, but from what I understand, this league does not promote positivity. Therefore, here is where each of you fucked the poodle.
Rochester Spinning Cosmos: With Mike Vick and Darren McFadden returning to the team, Cozine already had some injury concerns. While he addressed those concerns by adding depth at QB and RB, he made one glaring misstep. With his 2nd overall pick, Coach Cozine made the most puzzling choice of the draft by taking Eric Decker. While, this pick as a whole does not seem strange, it is when you consider the other WR's available: Victor Cruz, Brandon Marshall, and Julio Jones. Many of the coaches in the league acknowledged that this was a "comfort pick". Once coach even said, "Cozine picked Decker because he was a Minnesota Golden Gopher. That is the only reason." While this was a shocking choice, and overall talent reach, Cozine finished the draft with a strong team. But if the injury bug bites this team, it will bite hard and without mercy, spinning the Cosmos into a FFB black hole. Overall Draft Grade: B-
Madison Banana Hammocks: Well, they didn't show up and now their starting QB's are Carson Palmer and Tim Tebow. The ghost of Davy Wagner will also have to hope that his stable of oft-injured, hold out loving RB's can stay on the field long enough to produce points. His ghost also drafted 2 D/ST's, which is unheard of in Fantasy Football. My advice, see a voodoo witch doctor and get yourself a new body. Your team is in a world of trouble. I would start looking for a QB trade yesterday. Overall Draft Grade: F+
Waukesha Claymakers: There is an awful lot to like about the Claymakers draft and what Coach Derr did. On the flip side, he voiced some concerns to me during the draft about the health and age of his RB stable. Steven Jackson, Marshawn Lynch, and Cedric Benson (while all still viable NFL starters) are all on the down slope of their careers. Both age and number of touches over the past 5 seasons are beginning to add up for these once powerful fantasy institutions. But, with Aaron Rodgers as your QB, you can bet that alot of the RB's shortcomings will be made up for through the air. I still have concerns about Alex Smith and Christian Ponder alternating at the #2 QB spot. Strength of this team will be at WR. About as explosive of a group as you will find in this league. Overall Draft Grade: B
Lou's Losing Losers: This may not be the final team name, but for now it is the default. Coach Lou Sr. had a very specific plan for this draft, "Pick a team that will be able to compete". After last seasons injury plagued, weekly sodomies, the elder Olsen was ready to make a statement. And he did by taking Eli Manning with the #1 overall pick, pairing the Manning brothers together. Then he added more talent by drafting Victor Cruz and Brandon Marshall for them to throw to. His one mishap was at running back, by drafting Reggie BUsh as his #2 guy. Most of you will recognize Reggie Bush for being one of the 72,340 black athlete's to have sex with Kim Kardashian. While Bush showed that he CAN be a solid NFL back, it is hard to imagine him repeating last seasons performance. But there is no doubt that this team will not be dwelling in the cellar in 2012. Overall Draft Grade: B+
Affirmative Blacktion: Coach Craig used his 1st round pick to take the always classy Philip Rivers, to pair with returning veterans Ray Rice and Larry Fitzgerald. Then Craig went ahead and picked up Ben "The Rapist" Roethlisberger, which was a solid pick for #2 QB, but a porr pick for his PR department. I feel like a broken record, but the concern for the Blackies is at the RB position. While Stevan Ridley could be a superstar, he is an uproven commodity. The same could be said for his 3rd RB, Ryan Williams. Another solid WR core and one of the most stable QB group in the league. What this team may lack in explosivity, it makes up for in consistency. This is a solid team, sprinkled with potential, and that is a dangerous combination. Fuck Alaska. Overall Draft Grade: B
Lansing Clam Faces: Things were looking pretty good for Ol' Coach Sweens, until those 4th-6th round picks happened. Frank Gore is a RB who was once a #1 star, but now is a featured back in a 3 back stable, which bodes poorly for the Clam Cakes. Then he further compounded his RB concerns by drafting Michael Turner. Another back who is sliding on his belly down the hill. Just when you thought it couldn't get worse for Lansing football fans, he drafts Willis McGahee. Sweens drafted 3 washed up RB's in back-to-back-to-back rounds. My favorite pick of Sweens, was taking a late round gamble on Rookie QB Andrew Luck. A great value pick, who could easily unseat Jay Cutler as the Clam's 2nd QB along with Drew Brees. While the team seems strong on paper, there are a lot of question marks. Fuck Michigan. Overall Draft Grade: C
K-Town Bootleggers: Last season Coach Leiting was the man with the Midas touch. Every player he drafted, turned in career fantasy years. Well, until the playoffs that is. Because of that fact, it is hard to gauge how this draft went for the Booze Hounds. LeSean McCoy, Fred Jackson, and Trent Richardson could be the best RB trio in the league. Calvin Johnson and Marques Colston are a formidable one-two punch at WR. My concern for this team, is the same thing that doomed them last season, the QB position. Matt Ryan is a solid player, who will produce. But the Josh Freeman/Mark Sanchez combo at #2 could be the piss in Coach Leiting's lemonade. On the plus side, at least he doesn't have Tim Tebow. One pick that deserves some notice, WR Justin Blackmon. This kid could be the net big fantasy threat. You have all been notified. Overall Draft Grade: B
The Sandusky Acquittal Committee: Coach Olsen Jr. made the boldest trade in the history of this league prior to the draft. By trading Jimmy Graham and his 1st overall pick, he was able to acquire Matt Stafford. When you consider the lack of a 1st round pick, this was arguably one of the strongest drafts of the day. Having said that, this is also a team that could fall flat on it's face. This roster is full of potential, with not enough proven talent. RG3 will be taking over as the #2 QB for the NAMBLA's, which could pay huge dividends...or it could be a JaMarcus Russell type disaster. The same could be said for RB's Doug Martin and Donald Brown, or WR's Kendall Wright and Brandon LaFell. So, this will end one of two ways, another Ryan Leaf Trophy, or one more season of being sponsored by a man made famous by butt plugging children. Fuck Seattle. Overall Draft Grade: A-
Madison Scrotum Smashers: The regning champs somehow came out with a pretty amazing roster, despite the fact that Coach Tyson did not make one pick of his own. His RB stable has a tremendous injury history. In fact if we combined the number of games played, versus number of games missed via injury, it could be a wash. Sam Bradford is not an ideal #2 QB, but what can you expect when you let a Russian circus monkey make all of your picks. I will say one thing about the Rusky monkey, he knows WR's. Steve Smith, Roddy White, and Greg Jennings. Wow. That is by far the best WR group in the league. Without a 3rd QB, Tyson may need to make a move in order to make a late season puch similar to last season, but with that WR core it shouldn't be too difficult. Overall Draft Grade: D+ (mostly for not showing up)
Steal of the Draft: Victor Cruz at #20
Reach of the Draft: Eric Decker at #18
And now, a slut...
No comments:
Post a Comment