article by: Me and Sweeney
No celebrities. We talked about Leslie Nielsen, but he is way funnier than me so I thought the best way to show respect was to leave him alone. Travolta is off on some Scientology Safari this week, but should be back to review games next week. I have awesome news. We at WWS Weekly would like to introduce the newest member of our writing staff, Mr. Brian Sweeney. Many of you will hate this move, saying things like "Sweeney is a homo" and "fuck that tan guy". True and true. He also happens to be one of the finest writers in the land.
Without further adieu, Brina Sweeney's week in review:
BLACKS vs CYO
108 131
The momentum speaks for itself in this matchup: The Negra Modelos had lost four in a row and the goddamn Choke Daddies continued a five game winning streak, clinching a berth in the playoffs. The despicable duo of Roethlisberger and Vick were not their usual high-performing selves, however. Vick did his usual thing, earning 27 points, but Big Ben disappointed with only 10. For the Alaskan Poon Pipeline (Craig), Rivers sucked it up with seven and Sam Bradford (really?) killed it with 30. Everybody else on the team except Jamaal Charles got fairly weak numbers, and on the Sleeping Ginger side of the coin, the CYOs' Peyton Hillis got a pants-crapping 37 points at RB. Combine that with a B+ performance from most everybody else, and you've got a solid win for the rallying CYO. Bonus points for most confusing team name, too. Craig, who this week suffered a huge blow with the season-ending injury suffered by mega-stud RB Frank Gore, may be overtaken by the 'Cabras if he's not careful over the last two games here.
HUMPERS vs FIREBIRDS
125 122
Poor Davy nearly flailed his way to victory against the mighty Arborophiles this week, but came up a mere four points short. Exceptional performances from Cassel (35) and Welker (21) kept him in the running, but a more solid overall showing from Seattle pulled off the victory. Loudog does have weak points at TE and K, however, so watch that in future weeks -- it could mean the difference between the silver and the gold. As a side note, I was saddened to see that on Davy's bench, former Badger superstar and forever saver-of-the-Alamo-Bowl Lee Evans earned -2 points. What the fuck, man? I'm a sentimental bitch when it comes to the Badgers, but holy crap.
CHUPAS vs BERRIES
77 121
Another lopsided match here, as the playoff-bound Poop Nuggets took on the last-place Bloodsuckers. Tyno may have saved some face in this 77-121 onslaught with different plays (he'd have been within 10 with some shuffling -- 34 points for Cutler??). But it seems this Madison team's fate was sealed from the start. The more visible of the two gingers in our fair league is a force to be reckoned with, and I'd appreciate a little help in systematically dismantling the Orange Doo Machine. I'm open to ideas.
RAINBOWS vs CLAMS
115 137
Well, the Rochester Gaymos did pretty well this week for only bringing three players to the game. No, there were no REAL managerial miscalculations here (his bench did outscore his WR corps, but nobody could have predicted that), but oh Jesus did the team fail to show up. Brady, Orton and the Jets got 37, 31 and 26, respectively, but LITERALLY EVERY OTHER PLAYER REGISTERED IN THE SINGLE DIGITS. Chris Johnson scored flat nothing. What an asshole! I'll simply look at this as restitution for going up against the most points of anybody so far this wretched season. Sorry to deal you another loss right as you're kind of on the bubble there, Dan, but hey. A man's gotta look out for himself and take in the little joys. But you don't know what I mean anymore really. You're on a path to what amounts to 18 years of indentured servitude!
HAVE FUN!! SWEENEY OUT!
Don't worry you dirty pervs. I didn't forget about getting you a picture of some hot chick. Her name is Bar Refaeli and if you do not know who she is, you might want to get checked out........you're probably gay. Bye.
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