Warning: The following segment is in no way a reflection of the thoughts or views of WWS Weekly (Lou). All thoughts are the sole property of contributor John Travolta (also Lou). All commentary is in good fun and in now way a reflection of my actually feelings towards anyone(Nic, not personal).
Coach Kurt 'Davy' Wagner, would you come on down. John has something he would like to say to you.Davy, over the past few weeks you have shown me so many things about myself. Mostly deep, dark, horrible things that are better left inside. Your team is so terrible at home. I mean really, just fucking pathetic at home. You have some really nice pieces, but no one wanted to get hot at the same time. You look really good on paper. Obviously Adrian Peterson has a share of the blame. You drafted him because he is one of the best. There was no way for you to know how bad the Vikes would end up being. Matt Cassel has been a nice surprise for you. Too bad his appendix is a pussy. I wanted to be able to tell you something to keep your spirits up, but I've got nothing for you. Ryan Leaf told me that you were a pretty cool dude, so I hope that next year you catch a better break. Sadly, you will not be getting a rose tonight Davy. Goodbye.
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| Nic Tyson (right) and Davy Wagner (left) |
Coach Nic Tyson, would you join Mr. Travolta. He has something he would like to say to you.Nic, I hate you so much. You left Ryan Leaf hanging for an interview and let him believe you were dead. Too be honest, I have hated your team since they scored 62 points on opening weekend. The only reason I am even doing this for you is because Olsen likes you, which is only so because Sweeney likes you and Chuck likes you. Your team is embarrassing. For fucks sake you traded FOR Carson Palmer AND Jay Cutler. How high were you that week? You are contagious, even Wally won't pick you anymore and he is a dog who is only motivated by treats. Next year you should change your team name to something less tequila induced folklore-ish. What kills me inside, is that I have to respect you because you are clearly the best team in Madison. You beat the Firebirds both times you played this year. For that, I salute you. Better luck next year Slutty Slutty Bang Bang. You are not getting a rose tonight, so get the fuck out of here.
The rest of you do receive a rose because you are going to the medium sized dance. Let us take one last second and give it up for our departed comrades. (pause) Ok, fuck those guys. Let's get to this weeks games.
Week 13 Review
DINGLES vs HUMPERS
107 149
Who cares. These two teams clinched their roses last week, so this was a low pressure game. The Tree Humpers did clinch the division and lock up a first round bye in the playoffs. The Poo Berries lost their shot at the division, but they currently hold the #3 seed in the playoff picture. Aaron Rodgers went ape shit and lead all scorers with 32 points. Neither coach really put too much into the game, so who cares about what they had to say after the game.
CLAMS vs BLACKIES
102 97
Again, who cares. Both teams are going to the playoffs. At this point they are just playing for pride. Who knew that a fresh water mussel would have more pride than a team of Black.....tions. The Blacks have now lost 5 straight games, but still have a seat in the postseason. Pretty pathetic way to back into the playoffs. Looking at this roster, I don't think they are going to be making much noise any time soon. Injuries and inconsistency are brutal. As for the Clamie Cakes, they are looking pretty good right now. Even with Peyton Manning in a funk he is finding ways to win games.
After the game we talked to Brian Sweeney:
Winning games is always good. I did not really break a sweat over this game though. If we won, great and if we lost who the fuck cares. John can we do this later, I have hookers waiting for me back at the hotel. Since I'm in Alaska hooker means grizzly bear.
CYO vs CHUPAS
107 91
This game was not as important to the CYO as it was to the Chupas......wait what am I talking about. The Cabras where eliminated going in. My fault. This game also served no purpose other than to give the CYO someone to scrimmage. By winning, the Choke Jobs have clinched the division and that sought after first round bye. This was the snoozer of the week, arguably the best team in the league versus the worst in a game that has no implications for either team. Boring. Congrats to Coach Derr and his crew of ex-cons.
BIRDS vs RAINBOWS
99 100
There is only one thing that is relevant to this game, and that is this quote by Coach Davy
You forgot to mention that Dan has a chance of losing to me tonight. And as we all know, losing to me is quite embarrassing. Though I may be jumping the gun on this, as well as setting myself up for even more ridicule, I don't think it matters.Just a few short hours later, Tom Brady scored 35% of the Rainbows points by himself. What a horrible way to go down. Congrats to the Rainbows for not giving up when it looked pretty bad. Remember good teams have the best luck and bad teams have the worst luck. Thus is the story of the Firebirds season. Tom Brady lead all scorers this week with 37 points. Wow.
Well, that's all I know right now. Here is the hot wife of a lame professional football player. Jennifer Walcott is the only reason to ever watch that steaming pile of crap American Pie Band Camp. Her main claim to fame comes from Playboy spreads. She is currently dating safety Adam Archuleta.
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