Round 1 In The Books, 3 game series in Madison?

article by: Captain John Travolta

     I know this is a little later than usual, but during the "Holidays" we Scientologists take time out of our busy Hollywood lives to give back to the community.  I for one, volunteer as a Santa at local malls and no it is not because I like to have small boys sit on my lap.  Is it weird that I brought that up unprovoked? 

     The first round of the playoffs is finished and boy was I puzzled.  Both visiting teams went on the road and got victories.  In Rochester, the Shit Sheriffs went on a gay bashing rampage.  Coach Cozine had no answer for coach Charles in Charge and his crap crusaders.  Then in our nation's capital, the Black Bangers demolished the heavily favored Clam Caps.  Coach BP Balls in your Boca clearly underestimated the flailing Dark Chocolates, who ended a 6 game losing streak (league record). 

     I can't believe I am saying this, but the game of the week was in Madison.  Not because of the teams playing, but because of the historical significance to this 'series'.  Recently it came to light that in order to win the Crapper Bowl you must win a 3 game series.  When we asked the commissioner how this could have happened, he was quoted as saying

"Does it really matter?  No one is watching these two teams play.  Is this really what you are reporting on this week Travolta?  You need to get a boyfriend man." 

Well Mr. Kinzie, this not a baseball league.  Maybe this should be fixed for next year......actually it is alot funnier to watch Tyson blow a 50 point lead.  Let's hope we get to watch another classic Chupacabra meltdown this weekend. 

Let's break down the games from this week:

Round 1 Playoffs Wrap-Up


Dingleberries    vs    Rainbows
       134                           101

     Coach Cozine was obviously distracted by his impending trip to sunny Mexico this week.  He paid the price by looking ahead to Mexico before trying to take care of the doo-doo rolling into town.  Kyle Orton was his usual titty twisting self, he had an amazing day.......holding the clipboard for Tim Tebow.  Cozine also made a peculiar choice in starting Broncos WR Eddie Royal, who so totally suck balls.  Helping the Crap Clingers cause, was the resurgence of Vincent Jackson who put up 29 sexy points.  Plus, the combo of Brees and Schaub was more than enough to lead the Poo Poo Platters to victory over the Gay Cowboys Eating Mexican Pudding. 

     Last night I had a giant flaming drink with coach Chuck Norris Kinzie:

Figures you would bring me to a place that serves flaming drinks Travolta.  I am really feeling good about how we played today.  Some of our key players are getting hot at the right time, so if there was ever a chance for us to beat Blake it is now.  Nothing makes me happier than beating Cozine though.  Have fun in Mexico dreaming about how disappointing this season was for you.  We all know you didn't win the division because of the tie, but get over it because now you are out of the playoffs.  Ginger Power!!!

Blacktion    vs    Clams
     154                   100

     The sleeping giant has awoken after a 6 week hiatus.  This game appeared to be nothing more than business as usual for Coach BP Balls in your Boca.  Sadly, his WR's chose to not show up.  Big Black came out with a vengeance, looking like the team that struck fear into it's opponents during the firs half of the season.  Rivers and Ryan created a formidable duo, combining for 50 points.  BP Balls receiving corp was only able to score 11 points between the four of them, sealing their doom.  Meanwhile, each of Coach Craig's WR's scored 12 points.  All of a sudden the Black Panthers look like the team of old, but they will need to conjure up some more black magic this week as they head in to Seattle. 
     Coach Sweeney bought me a flaming drink and shared some thoughts:

I am embarrassed.  This was supposed to be nothing more than a speed bump, instead it became a Christmas sodomy.  My doctor says I will need to sit on an inflatable donut for the next two weeks.  We won 3 games straight coming into this game and they lost 6 straight, what was I supposed to think?  I take full responsibility for this loss.  It is the coach's job to put the best team on the field each week and I did not do that.  Instead we dropped the soap in the shower and paid the price for that grievous mistake.  Christmas sodomy, not as fun as advertised. 

I could talk about the Madison Turd-tacular, but since Tyson is involved I do not even want to talk about it.  Way to go Davy, nice comeback to restore a little dignity in your team.  Looking forward to this series......?

     This week Lou has a big boner about the Milwaukee Brewers acquiring Cy Young winner Zack Greinke.  As I was sneaking round his office I found a photo of this guys wife and thought she deserved a little love on our blog, because she is smoking hot.  Former Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader and Miss Daytona Beach 2008.  This is Mrs. Emily Kuchar-Greinke.  Merry Christmas and Happy Kwanza!!