After a slow start to the news week, this morning the 451WWS news team struck paydirt.
Once again, 451WWS martial arts expert/investigative journalist Steven Seagal came through, tracing records of calls made by Coach Daniel Cozine. Seagal. He identified two phone numbers that have cropped up repeatedly over the past few weeks as belonging to Nate Kaeding and Eric Decker. Thanks to some serious sleuthing (and what we can only assume was breaking and entering) Master Seagal uncovered a third phone number with multiple calls in the days leading up to the draft. We now know the identity of the final mystery member of this four-man group.
 |
| Celebrating? Shitting? Or Both? |
The phone number in question is registered to Mrs. Matt Spaeth, aka our final mystery team member…Mr. Matt Spaeth. Many of you will recognize Spaeth as an NFL tight end and former John Mackey award winner for Best Tight End in College Football. Why is that important? Spaeth played tight end for the Minnesota Golden Gophers -- Coach Cozine’s alma mater.
While we were unable to find any previous connection, it should be noted that Coach Cozine and Matt Spaeth attended UM at approximately the same time. The 451WWS investigation team posits that the tight end and an on-the-rise Coach Cozine became friends, and maybe more.
Now one question presents itself: What were Coach Cozine, Eric Decker, Nate Kaeding and Matt Spaeth doing together in an abandoned bobsled warehouse on the eve of the draft?
We will report more as this story develops. If you have any tips, please send them to us at fakeFFBnewstipline.thisisnotreal@gmail.com. Signing off for now, and may the Fantasy Football gods have mercy on us all.
No comments:
Post a Comment