In an opening week filled with surprises and dashed hopes, one resounding theme continues to ring out. Where would the weekend have been without big wins for the 4 owners from Kenosha; Pregnant, Tan, Ginger, and Gay. Each kid from Kenowhere taking a quick share of their division leads.
There is no questions who the player of the week was as Arian Foster found himself on the bench over the weekend, on his way to a 41 point performance. You really have to wonder what Coach Horny Lou Olsen was thinking. The Humpers were lucky to get out of Madison alive, everyone knows trees are the chupacabras natural prey. This was an ugly game, played by ugly players, who are coached by ugly men. Who knew that you could just hump a chupacabra into submission? Other teams may want to consider a similar strategy, because mexican rodents don't go away that easily.
Meanwhile, across town in.......Madison, the Clamy's got physical with the Firebirds en route to a 30 point victory. Coach Sweens really threw caution into the wind, running a league record 14 on-side kicks. There was no doubt that his quarterback had the most to gain from this strategy. Thirty five points coming from the always impressive Peyton Manning. When asked how he felt about his new team Peyton said, " Well, I hate D.C." in a thick southern drawl, "but the team is fine. I've had better."
In the first afternoon game we saw a gaggle of Dingleberry's head in to Blake's Mom's backyard, because that is the only place that would build a stadium for a team called Choke-You-Out. All I can say about this game is that there was some choking, as CYO choked on a giant dingleberry 121-86. My bold predicition of the year, Matt Forte will win comeback player of the year in only his third year in the league. Chad Ochocinco was the top scorer in for the backyard chokers.
Then to cap of our football weekend came the Monday night battle in Rochester. Affirmative Blacktion came out with a very solid gameplan; Stop Ryan Grant. That mission was accomplished early in the second quarter, when Grant's ankle spontaneously imploded on itself, ending his season. Well, sadly for the Darkies, Chris Johnson is on that team too and he went on to score 28 points. The Chocoalte's kept the faith and played the hot hand Hakeem Nicks, who was an unstoppable force in the closing minutes of the game. At the end of the day, it was defense that seperated these two teams. The Rainbow defense was just too strong, scoring 16 points to the black man's 2. This could be the start of an amazing rivalry, and the start of an amazing season for the queers from Rochester.
I caught up with Comissioner Charles "Ginger Balls" Kinzie after the amazing Rainbows game, to try and get his thought on the start of the season:
JT: Hey Charles?
CK: Oh, hey John Travolta.
JT: How do you think tonight went?
CK: Well John, to be honest I was so drunk by the 2nd quarter I missed the entire game. I was told that it was a beautiful ceremony and I was glad to have been invited. I love Jewish Weddings.
JT: That's a great story.
CK: Was that a question?
JT: Have you ever read any L. Ron Hubbard?
CK: I think were done, thank you.
The season has already given us all kinds of great surprises. From the hot spanish reporter Ines Sainz to Calvin Johnson being the first wide receiver to lose a game for picking himself up off the turf. No matter how good Ines Sainz looks in jeans, it shouldn't distract from the sexy asses we are going to see all season long on the field. I mean it though have you seen those pictures, how could you not want to stare!! If this is a sign of what this season will bring, I got......Sunday....Night.....Fever. Happy 2010 Football season!!!!!!! 
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