Rainbow Coach Upset Over "Badgering"

Article by:
Field Reporter Ryan Leaf

     In a special interview with Rochester Rainbows head coach Daniel Cozine, he revealed to me that he has had enough "badgering" over his alma mater.  Coach Cozine is a proud graduate of the University of Minnesota, while many of his fellow coaches attended the University of Wisconsin.  The two schools have a rich history of great football, and yet in recent years it seems as though one of these team has taken the upper hand. 

RL:  Dan, how tough has it been being a Gopher fan the last decade or so?

DC:  Well, it has had some up's and down's, and for whatever reason it always semms to be extra low against the Badgers. 

RL:  What kind of things have been said amongst you and the other coaches?

DC:  Well it was all fun and games until.......I mentioned the 2005 botched punt game.

RL:  Now, what was so special about that game?

DC:  Mr. Leaf, you know what happened.  My licensed therapist has advised me that sometimes it is better to keep things bottled up. 

RL:  I'm sorry Dan.  Let's talk about when the teasing went over the line.

DC:  Well, a certain coach aired the video replay for everyone to see at the most recent coaching seminar. 

RL:  So you had to remember that horrible day all over again?

DC:  Yes, yes I did...........it was horrible.

RL:  Would it make you mad if you had to see it again?  Or, say if someone else showed it again.  Would that make you pretty angry.

DC:  Not so much angry, hurt is probably a better word.  It would hurt me terribly.  Then I would also consider the person who showed it a complete and total waste of life.  Someone who has nothing better to do than be a dick.

RL:  I can assure you that I would never do anything like that.  The name Ryan Leaf is synonymous with dignity, respect, and never letting people down.

DC:  That's true.

RL:  Anyways, Dan would you say that the "badgering" has to stop?
 
DC:  I probably wouldn't say it like that because I hate all puns, but yes I would like it to stop.

RL:  Okay, well good luck with that.  Thank you for your time today Dan.  Good luck this week!

DC:  Thanks Ryan.

     Now since this interview I have obtained several electronic documents confirming the "Badgering".  Here is a quote from D.C. Clam Faces coach Sweeney, " I DID LAUGH AT YOU SUCKERS ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK! BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Good times. Beating Minnesota is the gift that keeps on giving."  This was only the beginning of the savage abuse coach Cozine has endured.

 "I had almost forgotten the utter joy that an old-fashioned Badger-Gopher football game brings. And let me tell you, sitting there during that back and forth game to see that last-second-botched punt get recovered in the end-zone for the Badger win was GLORIOUS."  This was a quote pulled of an e-mail from Dingleberry Head Coach and league commisioner Charles Kinzie.

     This final excerpt is a little more graphic,  "The Gophers really sucked the days dick on that one."  This coming from the tree hugger state of Washington, head coach Lou Olsen. 

     After reviewing all of the evidence I think it is safe to say Dan Cozine is probably just a sissy.  When I was on the field I never complained or sat out due to minor things.  You need to toughen up that skin coach because the game is tough and can leave long lasting pain.  Sometimes that pain gets so much you break into a players house to steal their Vicodin.  Cozine is not man enough to handle a little friendly "badgering", how can he be expected to lead his team to victory every week.  Below you will find the video in question.  You be the judge.


Leaf, out!!!