For those of you who did not know, it is Chuckles birthday today. Since I am poor and can not be at the Island Bash this weekend, this is the best I could do for a gift. I really debated what to write about for this article, late on Tuesday night I had narrowed it down to two things. Decided to sleep on it and see which one I liked better in the morning. Turns out I like them both equally, so here we go:
Top 5 Famous Gingers
1) Winston Churchill
Keeper of the flame haired dream for all the world in the dark days of the rise of Nazism and Hitler’s jackbooted trampling of Europe from 1939 to 1945. What is less well known about Winston is that post war after his famous ”Iron Curtain” speech in 1946 he set about doing things to bring the peoples of Europe closer together.
2) Jesus
The picture to my right proves Jesus was ginger. Further proof, if required can be seen in Jesus of Nazareth, the seminal biopic of his life, where old Robert Powell sports a fine ginger disposition. So Jesus, a great all round entertainer is perhaps the most important famous ginger for us to consider. There is a book to be published entitled ”Was Jesus a Ginger?” written by Herman Souk, astrologer and soothsayer to the court of Bhutan. 3) Marilyn Monroe
Screen siren and first Playboy cover girl in history, Marilyn captured the world’s hearts with a series of outstanding medical discoveries in the late nineteenth century. Forced to hide her gingerness to achieve fame as a movie legend, Marilyn also inspired the invention of Kleenex in 1954. Also rumored to have been a dirty old slut.4) Queen Elizabeth the First
Good Queen Bess, scourge of the Spanish, lover of liquorice and a right good laugh by all accounts. Daughter of Henry “Big Fella” the Eighth but we won’t hold that against her. Did much to cement the place of the ginger in British society and laid the foundations four hundred years in advance of the nation’s motorway system.
5) The Cigarette Butt
We at WWS Weekly are controversial if nothing else. Perhaps the most ubiquitous ginger item in the world. Litter, cancer, olfactory displeasure and that horrible taste when you swig a can of Milwaukee's Best at a party to realize that somebody has dropped a butt in. But I have thought long and hard about this and the butt deserves a place at the top table of gingerness.
Part II- My 5 Favorite Childhood Memories With Chuck
1) The Island
How could this not have been number one? Everything I ever needed to know about life, drugs, and booze I learned on that little slab of land. From pissing into citronella candle buckets to breathing fire, you name it and it happened on that island. One of the more amazing things to ever happen on the Island, was the Viking Funeral we had a few years ago. Not only did it work, but Chuck has video of it. Even when Brain's dad sells this patch of my childhood, I will remember it as it was when we spent every weekend of our High School lives out there.
2) The Pope Mobile
It was hard to be pissed about a free car when you turned 16, but when Charlie inherited this blue beast it was a moving sight gag. There was a St. (INSERT ANY NAME HERE) statue super glued to the dashboard. The car came complete with Rosary beads and a hanging photo of then Pope John Paul II. The Pope Mobile became a staple of our teenage years, especially since Charlie was the first one of us to get his license. I remember when a deer ran into the passenger side door, and if I remember correctly the deer was demolished by the big blue holy roller!
3) The Hot Tub/Earplug Battle
The title makes this sound pretty gay, but it was quite the contrary. Dan had an ear infection at the time, so he had to wear these silicone ear plugs. Turns out they could also double as a fun bouncy toy. We begin throwing Dan's balled up ear plugs all over the hot tub room in Brian's house. At one point the silicone ball dropped into the water right next to Dan's ass. It was at this point that Clark walks in and says "What do you girls want on your pizza?" Unbeknownst to him, at the same time Dan uttered "Don't touch my.......ass" The timing of this worked out so that to Clark it sounded like we wanted ass on our pizza. I have never laughed so hard in my life. That was a fun day.
4) Faygo Fest
This was by far one of the weirder things Chuck and I conceived together. My parents always bought this extremely generic soda called Faygo, and they bought it in bulk. One smoking hot summer day, Chuck and I decide to pound one of these sodas in my garage and then sprint to my parents pool and jump in. As the Faygo Fest evolved, it became more about how much soda could you cover the front of your body with before running to the pool. We found that Red Pop, Grape, and Mountain Mist worked the best.When I think back to that day, alot is pretty blurry. I do remember getting caught in a mosh pit during Staind, which left a bruise the size of a plat on my hip. For some reason I also remember us making friends with two relatively hot punk rock chicks. Plus there was the Kid Rock signed dollar bill, which is still framed in my parents basement.....I think. We had an awesome time though, but it always gets so damn hot in The Eagles Ballroom. Thank the christian god that at that time wife beaters where the shirt of choice for these bands.
Charlie, you are one of my oldest and dearest friends. I hope this little walk down memory lane puts a smile on your face today. Really wish I could be with you guys this weekend, but maybe I can call you on Saturday night. Hey, what ever happened to Mr. Johnson? If it wasn't for his 7th grade science class we never would have met. Oh Shit, Happy Birthday Chuck!!
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