Hey everybody, I am really excited to be back a week earlier than I originally thought. Turns out that alot has changed in just three weeks though, so the website needs my help to sort out all of this crap. A few weeks ago it looked like the Rainbows were unstoppable, but they have a 1-2 record since I crowned them the most powerful team in the league. A great many things have changed since then cock, beer? Let's get right into it!!
POWER RANKINGS:
1) Affirmative Blacktion (913 total points) this team is just scary in all phases of the game. Coach M has this team headed right to the championship. They have depth, consistency, and alot of criminals who are willing to do anything to get the job done. It is clear that this team has put "The Tie" in their rear view mirrors and forged on with a full head of steam. The only problem I can see ahead for this team is a 1-1-1 record within the West division. The Black Widows are clearly the team to beat right now.
2) Seattle Tree Humpers (823 total points) this pick I am not in love with. My gut tells me that since they beat both the Clams and the Dingleberries, this is a superior team. At the same time they are terrible within their own division, also sporting a 1-1-1 record. What separates them from the Black Mamba's is total points. This team will make the playoffs, but how will they do once they get there? There are alot of questions about this team, just in general. They have depth at all positions, but sometimes that is just not enough. Plus I heard the coach likes musicals, what a queer.
3) D.C. Clam Faces (780 total points) this team has the best record in the league, but only has the fourth most total points. Plus their defense is questionable already allowing 771 points, which is only 9 less than they have scored. There is no doubt that this is the hottest team in the league, having won their last 3 games. Coach Sweeney has a lot of depth questions on that bench, especially at RB. This team is good enough to make it into the playoffs and possibly make a little run, should the right guys get hot.
4) Chicago Dingleberries (874 total points) this is a high flying offense, who just so happens to run into a buzz saw every other week. The record does not truly reflect the power of this team. I have no doubt that they will keep the pressure on the Clams throughout the rest of the season. When you look at this teams loses, there is no shame in them.......accept for the loss to the Firebirds. The Dingleberries other two loses came at the hands of our numbers 1 and 2 in today's power ranking. In order to win the championship they need to amp up the ginger-vitis.
6) CYO (713 total points) not really sure what he was thinking this past weekend by starting two Bye week players. This team is just kind of average. Every time you play them you have to be a little nervous because they have proven that they can win games. As of today, they have 3 listed starters on Bye this week. Not sure, but Coach Derr may just be throwing in the towel. Which is dumb, because all he has to do is stay in his current position to make the playoffs. Only the bottom two teams will miss out. This team could be better, but they are probably stoned as hell.
7) Madison Firebirds (720 total points) this team has shown two separate times that it can beat powerful teams. Having beaten both the Dingles and the Humpers, you would think this team would be looking better. They are just not consistent. They gave the Chupacabras their only win of the season, plus they have the leagues worst defense. To date, the Firebirds opponents have scored 808 total points. You just can not win games allowing that many points through just 7 games. That is an average of 115 per week. They need to make some late season trades if they want to leap frog over the CYO for that last playoff spot.
8) Madison Chupacabras (571 total points) what can I even say. They are the worst team in the league. On average, they will score a depressing 82 points per game while allowing 109 points to there opponents. This train wreck is beyond repair. If I am coach Tyson I am looking at who I will be keeping going in to next season. Now there is still a chance they could sneak into that number 6 spot............there is also a chance that 2-Pac is still alive. Take a few gambles on guys int he free agent wire, some of those guys will see playing time as the season goes on. You are not winning with what you have now, so blow it up.
There are still 6 more games left in the season, which leaves a lot of football left to be played. I would like to leave everyone with this photo of Chupa, the Chupacabras mascot. They may be the worst team in the league, but no one has a scarier mascot. Until next time.........Cheers.
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