Happy Tuesday everyone!! Every Tuesday I take time out of my busy schedule, being a famous Hollywood actor, to write you a weekly review. That will still happen, but the big news this week is Brett Favre's penis and the woman who received it. I could not just let this story waltz by me without givng it the old Danny Zucco touch.
Rumor's surfaced this week that in 2008 Brett Favre, then the QB for the NY Jets, attempted to seduce a sideline reporter named Jenn Sterger. Obviously Favre is not as stupid as his southern drawl would lead you to believe. This broad is smoking hot!! It is only natural that Favre is going to want to nail a chick who looks suspiciously like his wife, just with way bigger milk melons. Alot of so called "experts" say this is a bad thing for Favre. To me, this could not have come at a better time for Favre. He is currently ranked as the 2,332 best fantasy PLAYER available, which is shocking with his 7 INT's, 5 TD's and 800 total yards.........oh wait. This is a blessing in disguise for the dusty old confederate. The major question is, when will coach Cozine realize that this distraction is taking it's toll on his team?
Since the Favre dong reports first surfaced, the Rainbows have fallen from 3-0 to a mediocre 3-2. Some might argue that since they were both close losses, perhaps it is not as simple as Favre's dick causing the team to lose games. In the Rainbows three wins, they won by an average of over 20 points per contest. That is all the evidence I need to rule that Favre's pecker is guilty of hurting this team. With this newest development, it seems our league is more like the NFL than we know. No team is a guaranteed win (accept the Chupa's) or loss. Every weekend has a surprise or two, like seeing Favre's penis on your phone......twice. Now I had to fight every homosexual bone in my body to not post a picture of the cock in question. You are lucky that my wife hates penis', otherwise you would have an eye full of Hall of Fame twig and berries. Let's look at the games:
Week 5 Re-Cap
CYO VS BLACKTION
97 134
The Men in Black continued to put "The Tie" as far behind them as possible with another convincing win. They now hold a three game winning streak and the lead in the West division by a 1/2 game over the Rainbows. The CYO's continue to dominate the ground game scoring 37 points, but it is clearly taking a toll on their passing game. CYO wide receivers continue to look flashy on paper, but a hell of a lot duller on the football field.
Ryan Leaf informed me earlier today that Black Magic coach Craig will be the interview subjec tthis week, so that being the case we will grab a quote from the losing coach.
"We are just not good at throwing. We can jam it up the middle better than anybody, but we can not get anything going through the air. I bet if we started throwing bongs and bags of weed they would start catching shit!! Ochocinco needs to strap on his man parts and stop tweeting, otherwise he is going to find himself without-o el job-o!!!" (then shoves podium into front row of reporters, then proceeds to pull out his Brett Favre and piss all over the podium)
DINGLES VS CHUPAS
148 92
Talk about a shocker!!(sarcasm) The Cabras are horrible. The Dingleberries are an elite team, who happen to be managed by the league commissioner. Did Coach Tyson really think that rolling out the Charger defense would be enough to stop the turd ticklers from the windy city? The game could not have been worse for the blood suckers from Madison, losing Mark Clayton for the rest of the season to a knee injury early in the first quarter. The Dingleberry receiving core almost outscored the entire Chupa team, with 74 points. I would love to talk about how great the dookie danglers played, but we have to look at their opposition.
Coach Ginger Balls spoke after the huge win, "Boy this game was like a good old fashioned Nordic viking village pillaging. We took all of their valuables, raped all of their women, and then burned their straw houses to the ground. Some of the guys wanted to piss on the ashes, but I told them enough is enough. Today's ginger game ball goes to my receivers, you guys made the hair on my balls even redder than usual today." Great words, from a sub par human being.
FIREBIRDS VS HUMPERS
133 96
In the upset of the week, the Humpers got throttled at Clark Sweeney Memorial on Sunday. Super stud Arian Foster put up a Viagra prescribing 2 points, along with fellow teammates Greg Jennings and Dez Bryant. On the other sideline there was no Viagra needed. Pretty solid game all across the board. This team really did not want to be my punching bags, especially after last weeks humiliating loss to the Chupacabras. Good news Kurt, you are safe for another week.
We have a sound byte from coach Wagner,
"After last weeks game, alot of our fans had left us for dead. I told my men in the locker room that the only thing I want to see dead around here is hookers. They took that and ran with it, fortunately they thought I said Humpers. Let's hope that I don't start seeing dead hookers all over the locker room. Boy that would really take me back..........."
CLAMS VS RAINBOWS
134 130
There is no question that this was the game of the week. Coach Sweeney must not have liked the humping he received last weekend because his offense went berserk. While in the gay corner, no one could stop looking at Brett Favre's penis. His wide receivers were obviously distracted by it, since they only combined for 18 points. My questions for coach Sweeney is, how was he not distracted by Favre's tally whacker?
"In my line of work you see a lot of cock and balls. The difference between them and us, we do not make them our lives work. Of course a man can enjoy another man's wang every now and again, just not on the football field. When you put your chode out there for everyone to see, you have to expect some sort of backlash........like herpes. Believe me I know...........about the herpes.........not the chode...........herpes is bad too...............are we done here?"
Another week of mentally unstable football. Now to really blow your minds, this week Ines Sainz will not be the last thing you see on this Blog. We here at WWS Weekly believe in promoting only the hottest women to be harassed by professional athletes. Gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to Jenn Sterger. And yes, she has posed for Playboy!! See you all next week.
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